


What you want from me

by Polyhexian



Series: Okay but what if they were ace tho [6]
Category: The Transformers (IDW Generation One), Transformers - All Media Types
Genre: Ace Tailgate, Asexual Character, Good ending timeline, M/M, POV Third Person, Post-Canon, none of these people know how to talk to each other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-06
Updated: 2021-03-06
Packaged: 2021-03-19 07:54:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,600
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29871513
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Polyhexian/pseuds/Polyhexian
Summary: Tailgate needs some advice.
Relationships: Cyclonus/Tailgate (Transformers), Whirl & tailgate
Series: Okay but what if they were ace tho [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1772830
Comments: 2
Kudos: 32





	What you want from me

"Hey, Whirl, are you in here?"

Whirl spun around when he heard his name, chest guns firing off an energon round against the far walls of the shooting range. Tailgate squeaked and ducked in alarm.

"Hey, Teeg!" Whirl chirped, unconcerned, "Back for another lesson with your favourite shootin' sensei?"

"No, uh-" Tailgate uncovered his head and looked up at the smoking scorch mark on the wall, and then chose to ignore it, turning back to Whirl, "I actually wanted some advice."

Whirl blinked his optic. "On shootin'?"

"On- other stuff."

Whirl considered it, before he nodded firmly. "Oooh, this is about the lurch, eh?"

Tailgate glanced uncomfortably at the floor. "Sort of."

Whirl cracked his claws together menacingly. "What'd he do this time? I'll set him straight for ya, don't you worry little man."

"No, no, _he_ didn't do anything wrong!" Tailgate insisted, sounding frustrated, "I think _I_ did."

Whirl tilted his head at him, and then glanced up at the door. "You wanna go grab a drink?"

"No, I- there's too many people there," he mumbled, "I figured if you were down here, no one else would be."

Whirl cackled. "Yeah. I like my privacy when I'm having Whirl Time. Alright then." He plucked Tailgate up with a yelp and plopped him onto the bench rest so he was at his optic level. He leaned back against the stall wall. "Hit me."

Tailgate hiked his shoulders up, looking away uncomfortably. "It's kind of like- it's embarrassing."

Whirl rolled his optic dismissively. "What could possibly embarrass you in front of _me?_ Whatever the hell you got goin' on I guarantee I've done messier'n worse and there's video of it on the internet."

"I hope not," Tailgate mumbled.

Whirl twitched. "Is it a sex thing? This sounds like a sex thing."

Tailgate's faceplate changed colour, shoulders tightening even more. Whirl clacked his claws together and whistled.

"There we go, ol' Whirlibird right on the money," he laughed, and then paused when Tailgate looked even more embarrassed and uncomfortable. He lowered his voice. "I hold to that, you know. I _have_ done more humiliatin' than whatever you did. You _can_ look it up if you wanna."

"I really really don't," Tailgate mumbled, "It's… I mean…" he sighed in exasperation and threw his head back to stare at the ceiling. "I can't. That's what it is. I can't."

Whirl squinted at him. "What do you mean you can't?" 

"I mean I _can't_ ," Tailgate groaned, shutting his visor off, "I don't- I don't have the equipment."

Whirl blinked once, twice, and then straightened up. "Oh. No?"

"Were you forged with yours?" Tailgate asked, turning his visor back on.

"Well, yeah," Whirl answered, tapping his helm with one claw. "But, uh, I think I remember readin' somewhere that folk didn't used to be forged with mouths neither, until people started modding them. You know, forge frames change to reflect the cultural norms'n all that. So maybe it wasn't normal when you was forged."

"Oh," Tailgate sighed, "Okay. I guess that makes sense."

"What, was you worried you were the only fella out there to ever pop out of the ground unfuckable?" Whirl asked, tilting his helm to the side.

"A little."

"Nah, it happens. Some folk ain't forged with 'em neither, you know. There's like, diversity in construction. You can just get 'em installed. I even knew a fella with forged equipped that had it all taken out once."

"Yeah, Cyclonus mentioned that," Tailgate mumbled.

"So what's the big deal?" Whirl gestured, "You embarrassed to ask the doc about it? I'll go tell him for you if you want."

"No, no, it's not that- I mean, yeah, a little bit, but-"

"But?"

"But-" Tailgate looked down at his lap, "So, like, it's not like I just found out sex exists or anything, I knew what it was, but I figured Cyclonus was like me, you know, we're both really old so I thought that maybe- maybe he didn't have any either, cuz he hasn't shown me any different until now, and-"

"Till now?" Whirl inquired, "You two got hitched months ago. He really waited this long to get horny on you?"

Tailgate nodded.

"I guess that sounds like him. Emotionally constipated bastard."

"But we were making out- which I really like!" Tailgate insisted, "But then he kinda like- you know, he touched me _down there_ and he was all like 'grrr will you give me the honour of letting me pleasure you-'"

"Haha, oh my god, did he really say that?"

"And I was like, 'oh, uh… you can't.' And he was all 'oh I'm sorry. Why not?' and I was like 'well I mean, isn't it obvious?' and he was like, 'no,' so I was like 'there's nothing down there, Cyclonus, I thought you knew that,' and he was all 'no! I'm sorry, I didn't mean to put you in an uncomfortable position,' and I was all 'you didn't! Don't worry! I didn't know you _did_ ,' and he was all like 'yes, I do, when I fell into vector sigma my entire frame was remade' so I guess like, you know, it's made like how they make em now so he's equipped and-"

"Whoa, whoa, slow down," Whirl insisted, patting him on the back, "Deep breaths, little guy. Okay."

Tailgate flared his vents and took in a deep air cycle, sighing before he shook his head. "...And then he was like, 'if you want the upgrade I will go with you,' and I was all like 'oh, yeah, sure' and then we went to sleep and… and that was two nights ago, and he asked when I wanted to go today."

Whirl squinted at him. "That don't sound _that_ embarrassing. That sounds pretty resolved to me."

"Yeah, well, it's…" Tailgate mumbled, staring very stubbornly at his lap, hands tightening on the bench, "I don't… know if I do."

"If you do what?"

"If I… want the upgrade."

Whirl was quiet for a moment, uncharacteristically thoughtful. Tailgate didn't look up, hands gripped so tight they were leaving dents in the metal.

"Don't get it, then," Whirl said.

"But it's-!"

"Don't get it," Whirl repeated, cutting him off, "You don't want it, don't get it. Full stop. End of story."

"But Whirl!" Tailgate cried, looking up, "It's not- Cyclonus has it, so if I don't, then it's- you know. It's not fair!"

"Like fuck it ain't," Whirl scoffed, "He can jack off if he wants. You don't gotta get it just cuz he's got it." 

"I already said I would though, I don't want to disappoint him," Tailgate shook his head, "And what if- you know, what if he really wants me to? What then? Whirl, I don't-"

Whirl tapped a claw against his audial on the side of his head. "Yo, hornhead. Your hubby don't want a pussy. Let it go."

"Oh my god, Whirl," Tailgate wheezed, horrified.

"There. Done." Whirl crossed his arms.

"Whirl!" Tailgate hissed, "Oh, god, now he's calling _me._ Why did you _do_ that?!"

"You wouldn't have come down here to ask _me_ for advice if you didn't want me to get involved in an embarrassing and messy way and save you the trouble," Whirl scoffed, "Like, congrats, you befriended the great unfriendable Whirl, you get to reap the rewards of siccing me on your husband when you're embarrassed. I ain't got no shame." He paused and then snickered. "I ain't got no face to lose."

"I don't want to answer," Tailgate groaned, burying his face in his hands, "I don't know what to say."

Whirl tapped his audial. "Quit callin' him for a minute, man, he's geekin' out about me bein' rude." He paused. "Oh, nah, I don't think so. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Nah, I figured you wouldn't, but you spent enough time whining about wah wah what if he doesn't like me that you gotta sympathize. Ha, yeah. Kay. Buh-byyyye." Whirl leaned back. "He don't care if you don't want it."

Tailgate sagged, too visibly relieved to keep being mad at Whirl. "Really?"

"He probably only offered cuz he thought you'd want him to," Whirl snorted, "Y'all gotta learn to talk to each other without goin' through me eventually."

"We do!" Tailgate insisted, "We talk!! We talk all the time!!"

Whirl plopped a claw on top of his helm and made as if ruffling hair. "Yeah, yeah, I know, pipsqueak, y'all are halfway to normal. Go back upstairs to your loving sexless marriage and hug your husband, willya?"

Tailgates shoulders relaxed and his visor softened. "Thank you, Whirl."

Whirl waved a dismissive claw. "Ain't nothin' but a thing. I'm your advice dealer."

"Whirl," Tailgate said softly, "You're my friend." 

Whirl, too, softened for a moment, before he scoffed and looked askance. "Don't get all mushy on me, now. You'll ruin my reputation."

Tailgate giggled despite himself. "I would never. I really _should_ go talk to Cyclonus." He sighed. "But… If you're gonna be down here awhile, it'd be fun to come and get an actual shooting lesson. I always do better with you than anyone else."

Whirl chuckled, shrugging in a way that suggested he didn't want to admit he was flattered. "Heh, well, I love watching you fuck up and shoot silly. So it's an even trade. Yeah, come on back down."

Tailgate hopped down back to the floor. 

"See ya later, Whirl. Thanks for getting involved in an embarrassing and messy way."

Whirl rolled the barrels of his cannons and slapped the side panel to reactivate the holotarget down the range. "Yeah, yeah. See ya later, squirt."


End file.
